Journal #1 (12/30/2015)
As a mother of 4, my
oldest kids are my step kids and my younger kids I gave birth to, I thought
hearing that my youngest child had Cerebral Palsy was devastating. When I got
the results of a nodule biopsy on my thyroid my world stopped one more time.
Now my back-story takes some time to go through but I want to be thorough. In
2009 I first found out I had cervical cancer; I was nineteen years old at the
time. The doctor decided to freeze off the cancer cells. We just recently found
that I also have cysts on my ovaries. In 2011 I was diagnosed with
hyperthyroidism. My doctor at the time did an ultrasound, did RAI and hormonal
medication (levothyroxine), knowing I had to take medication for the rest of my
life I thought I was set. I was even feeling good; normal is a term I like to
use.
My family endured so much
when things started to go down hill. I had no appetite so I had to force myself
to eat, I dropped so much weight then couldn’t get back over 100 pounds.
Motivation and energy didn’t exist; I’d be exhausted but couldn’t sleep. I had
no patience and small things would set me off. I had the shakes so bad I would
spill stuff or drop stuff. I would sit and constantly be shaking my legs
together from being anxious. You couldn’t see it but the pain in my neck was
just as bad some days. I was beginning to look like a drug addict. Now my
primary doctor told me “your blood work is fine, your dosage is right, some
symptoms you have to deal with I can’t treat them.” I finally told him where to
stick his “treatment plan.” In my area specialists are 45-60 minute drive away
so finding one was difficult.
Finally, in July I found
a doctor not only took my insurance but also was only 20 minutes away. My first
appointment we sat down and talked about medicine dosage and blood work. She
adjusted it slightly and we had to wait a few months for the new dosage to work
before I got blood work. In between our first appointment and blood work, is
when I first noticed the lump. I was driving to my daughter’s doctor appointment;
I was having neck pain that day I didn’t think a lump would be there. I took my
hand to my throat to massage it and it felt like a marble. I called my doctor
as soon as I could and requested we do an ultrasound since it’s been a few
years since I had one.
I went to the hospital,
got the ultrasound, and went home to wait with my family. A few days passed, I
was preoccupied with daily life when the phone rang. I read the caller ID and
proceeded to drop the phone. “We need to see you immediately and you should
bring someone with you.” I still remember the nurse’s voice, it might be
imbedding into my permanent memory. I remember crying as I dialed my husband’s
cell phone, I didn’t even text him to tell him I was calling so he was
instantly worried and agreed to meet me there. All I can remember is her saying
it was most likely papillary and it should not spread. Remember my faith in
doctors well it so far gone I think it’s by Saturn. Now I wasn’t mad at my
current doctor, she respected my wishes, ordered tests trying to help. At this
point, and still this day just not as often, “They were supposed to be benign.”
It’ll be on repeat like a record or I’ll hear it once breath and go back to
life. I am a researcher so when I am told something I get on the Internet and Google.
American Thyroid Association has a brochure that I found informative; “A
malignant result is obtained in about 5% of biopsies and is most often due to
papillary cancer, which is the most common type of thyroid cancer.” Deep down I
felt I knew I had cancer either that or, I just kept telling myself so I could
prepare mentally. You cannot be prepared for that, ever.
Today I am healing from
my thyroidectomy, recently started my Low iodine diet, awaiting blood work and
RAI. I am scared shitless (excuse the vulgar language). I hope I find some
support in these groups.
I used this for some
information.
